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But ladies you must stand firm, because once he realises that he cannot manipulate you anymore he is likely to give up and leave you alone.
Narcissists avoid people who force them to see the truth.
The narcissist spends his life running away from the painful truth about himself. Deep down inside himself the narcissist IS tormented.
He represses his misery within his sub-conscious in order to survive (by avoiding painful thoughts that would lead him to depression & self-destruction).
By sticking to “No Contact” you are refusing to be manipulated by him, denying his power over you and are therefore destroying his fantasy and forcing him to see himself as he really is.
It also helps us understand the reason behind some of their erratic behavior when they seem almost desperate to get us “back on board”. Your indifference is making him panic because he has tried using the techniques that usually work for him but they are not working this time and this will be making him feel very insecure indeed.
Since Halloween he has bailed on me several times due to “work”…did this before too but we just moved things around. He had bailed the previous Friday because of work and I was soooooo pissed I told him I was done, however, he promised he’d be down for New Years and that he really likes me and misses me.
I think one of the reasons why “no contact” is such a challenge for us is that it seems to directly conflict with our desire for revenge on the one who has hurt us.
Our motivation to see that justice is served causes us to feel an intense urge to “take action”, but this results in inner turmoil when trying to achieve “no contact” at the same time. Having given the matter a lot of thought I decided that, for me, the best solution is to combine these two forces together. In order to fully appreciate this strategy it’s a good idea to go back to basics and remind ourselves how the narcissist functions.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at I have been seeing, well actually, talking/texting this guy, Drew, for about six months. In these six months I have seen him only five times! The first four months, we saw each other once a month, which I was okay with considering we were getting to know each other and he lives 2 1/2 hours away and I didn’t wanna seem crazy.
You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram.
I know how hard it is to ignore someone who appears to be crying out for help.